Simamuhkha

I sought solace in you
from a barbarian family
you assured refuge
and a warm white blanket of trust

and it has been revealed
that you just wanted to sleep with me
callously for your pleasure
extract my devotion
money and very identity
a lifetime of indentured servitude

you mandated that I put you above all
wrapping me in a haughty cocoon of
white and red ragged cotton cloth
I bowed and begged for your
love and absolution

and I watched your glistening gem gold brocade
hollow words of compassion made me quiver
your awe full display with trumpet and drum
but what was birthed was
only arrogance and thoughts of
spiritual superiority

I wanted nothing more than you
I was addicted and I imbibed you
thirstily as my intoxicant
I voluntarily branded myself
genuflecting groveling on the floor
at your mud flower feet

but you never cared
you hurt women, children, men and boys
and turned a blind eye to abuse
heartless peacock plumage
narcissistic colorful black hole radiance
you’d use us for whatever you could gain

and when spent or confronted
we were discarded
ghosted silenced slandered
excommunicated from your faux
mandala of thankless
glory

and you were audacious enough
to threaten hell or a
defamation suit
if I ever exposed you
or spoke these very words

and I now proclaim my strength
my real life
that is NOT defined by you
nor your arcane religious tenets
not one more day

I am now free
and can truly, deeply love
despite your profound betrayal
my curved knife severs the cord of dependence
to that which can only take from me

today I birth myself
bravely into a new life
alone but finally healed
and yes
awake
and indeed
holy in love.


Dedicated to my true dharma family, authentically benevolent teachers and friends, so very brave enough to expose those who used our precious tradition to harm and exploit others. Thank you for your voice in this overdue evolution. May we all finally have the tools to turn away from what got culturally appropriated as false dharma and now, with new, fresh eyes and heart, look inward and see the silent power of our truly awakened state.

© 2020 Dawn Boiani Permission to repost, republish and crosspost unaltered in full with colophon, with this attribution.

Image of Simhamukha courtesy of: chinabuddhismencyclopedia

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