Video by: Melanie Tonia Evans

The way to heal from relationships with these people is to firstly be aware of the dynamics. Narcissistic abuse is a very serious, insidious and destructive type of emotional and psychological harm. It can be done in a more subtle, covert way, so it can be very very confusing for the recipient and  if unhealed, can cause lifelong damage. We must take the first step and be acutely aware of these personality types and gain strength by knowledge and self protection. #KnowledgeisPower

This video even though it seems kind of cartoonish, is exceedingly insightful and eloquent in it’s understanding of this dynamic, and has helped me a lot to recover.

8 Signs You Are Dealing with Narcissistic Abuse

1. Your relationship is not caring kind, or sane.
2. You are dealing with immature behavior and give up pieces of yourself to comply.
3. You are angry, disjointed and behaving in ways that you normally don’t.
4. Trying to prove that you are a good person.*
5. You are mopping up the messes.
6. Your boundaries are being disintegrated.
7. You feel addicted, disjointed and manic (perverse addiction/ trauma bonding)
8. You are suffering from abuse symptoms. (the mind and body can break down)

 

*Because the narcissist is regularly accusing you of all the things they are and do such as: lacking integrity and love and care for people, being unfaithful, lying and making it all about yourself, wanting to use people for your own gain and more. **Naturally you’d be incensed and try extremely hard to prove and convince them otherwise.** This is another deadly hook that narcissists can get you enmeshed with them on.

I grew up in the east coast of United States where this Trumpian type of arrogance, the parasitic using of people and cruel narcissism is rampant and ubiquitous and wholly ingrained in the culture there. I think with the rise of self centered, impersonal, online dating sites and social media, people can also foster this type of personality where, with access to so many people, one can become callous and unfeeling. In the first moment that there’s difficulty, people can be disposed of. People themselves, become ego’s fodder/narcissistic supply, it’s not love, nor healthy.

I’ve even had the repeated experience of a subtle form of narcissistic sadism, where after the basic process of the idealization, devaluation and discard, they actually seek some type of power and pleasure, knowing that you’re in pain and you’ve been silenced. This will happen especially if you confronted them and set boundaries, it’s called narcissistic injury and can be intense for the victim. The discard is somehow darkly empowering for a narcissist, also often referred to a dark empath. People are actually capable of gaining power and pleasure by knowingly hurting and then blaming their victims. This must be no less than the seeds of what we define as human evil.

One of the narcissists famous counter projections after they hurt you is to say “you are being dramatic.” When you try to set boundaries, you are “criticized, rejected, abandoned and punished.”

I even have a direct experience of entire organizations being run by a controlling, careless narcissist, where the structural violence is encoded into the entire community. If anyone dare speaks out they are blamed, dismissed, and even threatened, and they become unfortunate recipients of an entire culture of unhealthy narcissistic abuse.

If you grew up in one of these dysfunctional families you may have a tendency to seek out other organizations that create these familiar patterns. I recently exited from a very unhealthy cult-like organization where a lot of people are to this day, used abused and harmed. All I can say is that I’m grateful to begin to see more clearly. I’m disheartened that a lot of close friends are complicit, and still support these structurally violent organizations, that harm society so very much under the guise of benefit.

So very sad, sometimes I ponder, are we are just disposable trash to these people, are they really irreparably damaged and truly soul-less and without conscience? Is there ever hope? I somehow feel, that these people must indeed somewhere, feel truly alone. I wonder if they ever seek support treatment, or have ever any contrition. How do these personality disorders/ dysfunctional families and organizations arise, is it cultural, developmental or neurological or both? If anyone wanted to seek help, which is rare, since the disorder is predicated on projecting one’s shadow onto others, there is a well regarded treatment program that is nationally recognized.

For those of us who are the recipients of narcissistic abuse, once again, education is the key to understanding the complex emotional and psychological dynamics. We start with self care, pulling our strength back and energy away from the enmeshment of this person and trying to fix it. This can be very hard and then later, grieve the loss of the love and relationship you hoped to have. We can recover and rediscover deep love within, that the narcissists could never take away from us. From a healed place, we will never again seek out toxic relationships but rather naturally gravitate toward people that love us in a respectful, appreciative, deep and healthy way.

Video Credits
Writer: Melanie Tonia Evans
Script Editor: Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera
Animator: Faye Miravalles
YouTube Manager: Cindy Cheong

2 replies
  1. Dawn Lhamo
    Dawn Lhamo says:

    If any of my friends or followers reading this have experience relating to a person with a significant hurtful personality disorder or community, I highly recommend this book I’m reading it right now: https://www.amazon.com/Psychopath-Free-Expanded-Emotionally-Relationships/dp/0425279995

    One of the things that stuck with me is that a disordered person has no skills with conflict resolution. At the first sign of problem, they shut you up and cut you out, they are done with you, and for a normal well-adjusted person that can be so incredibly hurtful, even devastating.

    It could also seriously re-trigger those of us with any type of unresolved abandonment issues. I experienced this in my dharma community, for years I told them there was something really unkind and wrong with some of their treatment of students and administrative decisions. After 25 years of devotion they never listened to people like me, they just essentially escorted us out the door. To this day I’ve still been somewhat codependent in the need to pursue them and heal, trying to fix-it, which is a daunting and untenable task.

    This book is really healing and insightful, and people with psychopathic (Narcissistic, ASPD) tendencies don’t have to be Charles Manson or the uni-bomber, they can be people in or our very own “spiritual community” or even right next door. Once again, awareness is the key to disempowering their harm and self-healing.

    Reply

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